Returning to Us
To help people who help people, the organization needs to be healthy and have practices in place that consider the trauma of those they serve. Lauren Spigelmyer and Jessica Doering have helped thousands of people who help people all over the world. Each week they'll explore tools, insights, and stories to help you lead and live with more clarity, calm, and connection. If you’re looking for support as you grow your organization’s capacity for caring for staff and the community, we would love to be part of that journey.
Episodes
208 episodes
“Why wasn’t I good enough?”: Walking Away from What Wasn’t Meant for You
In this heartfelt episode, Jessica turns toward a question many of us have wrestled with: Why wasn’t I good enough? Drawing from her own experiences with rejection, criticism, and seasons of struggle, she reflects on how painful moment...
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Season 5
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Episode 73
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20:45
Can’t Sleep, Can’t Think? Resetting Rhythms That Rule Your Day
In this episode, Lauren explores the hidden power of daily rhythms and how they shape our ability to stay calm, focused, and resilient. From sleep and meal times to email habits and screen use, she shows how predictable patterns support the ner...
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Season 5
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Episode 72
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20:33
Taming Transitions: Tiny Rituals That Calm Big Shifts
Transitions are everywhere from shifting between tasks at work to moving through family routines and they can quietly dysregulate us. In this episode, Lauren shares why these moments feel so disruptive and how tiny rituals can anchor them, brin...
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Season 5
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Episode 71
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18:20
Spaces that Regulate
In this episode, Lauren takes a thoughtful look at the often overlooked impact our environments have on regulation and well-being. She explores how seemingly small elements like lighting, layout, sound, and even clutter can either support or sa...
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Season 5
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Episode 70
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20:38
Part 2: Regulation in the Real World
In this episode, Lauren dives into the real world challenges of creating a morning routine that supports nervous system regulation, especially when life feels chaotic. She breaks down the morning into four key parts and offers practical, compas...
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Season 5
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Episode 69
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21:26
Part 1: Regulation in the Real World
In this episode, Lauren explores what it really means to regulate in the midst of everyday chaos. Building on the Five Ives framework she and her partner developed, she explains why common strategies like breathwork or meditation often fall fla...
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Season 5
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Episode 68
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20:21
How to Get Kids to Cooperate Without Power Struggles
Today Lauren is looking at what drives power struggles with kids and how we can respond in ways that build cooperation rather than conflict. Whether you're a parent, teacher, or work with children in any capacity, the strategies shared here off...
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Season 5
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Episode 67
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28:02
What Happens When Consequences Backfire
If you've been questioning why traditional consequences often fail to create meaningful behavior change, this is for you. Lauren walks through the whys of this failure and how traditional consequences may harm relationships and regulation. She ...
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Season 5
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Episode 66
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20:28
Helping Children Catch your Calm with Nervous System Co-Regulation
In this episode, Lauren explores the importance of adult emotional regulation when navigating children’s challenging behaviors. She emphasizes that outbursts aren’t personal—they’re rooted in a dysregulated nervous system. By staying calm and c...
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Season 5
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Episode 65
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20:52
Chaos to Connection
Today Lauren is setting the stage for a new series that encourages a shift from managing behavioral chaos to building meaningful connections, especially in classrooms. Lauren uses examples from her personal experience to illustrate how the idea...
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Season 5
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Episode 64
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22:10
Part 2: Behavior isn't the Problem
In this episode, Lauren continues exploring the connection between behavior and the nervous system, focusing on the stress responses known as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. She encourages us to look beyond the surface of behaviors like hittin...
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Season 5
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Episode 63
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17:28
Part 1: Behavior isn't the Problem
Behavior is a signal that we need to interpret, but it's not the problem. Lauren challenges us to stop and ask a different question when we see extreme behaviors: I wonder what happened that is driving this? Lauren takes us through ...
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Season 5
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Episode 62
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21:05
Hive- The Last Stage of the Five Ives
In this episode, Lauren and Jessica explore the final stage of the Five Ives framework: Hive. This stage is all about meaningful connection—both personally and organizationally—after individuals have reached a more stable and grounded state. Wh...
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Season 5
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Episode 61
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27:57
Thrive- The Fourth Stage of the Five Ives
In this episode, Lauren and Jessica explore the fourth stage of the Five Ives framework—Thrive. In the Thrive phase, individuals and organizations are aligned with their goals and truly "living the dream." Thriving looks like healthy communicat...
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Season 5
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Episode 60
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22:35
Strive- The Third Stage of the Five Ives
In this episode, Lauren and Jessica walk us through the third stage of the Five Ives—Strive. They unpack what it means to be in the Strive phase, both for organizations and individuals. For organizations, a positive culture in this stage is bui...
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Season 5
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Episode 59
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39:14
Revive- The Second Stage of the Five Ives
Today Lauren and Jessica dive into the second stage of the Five Ives framework: Revive. After becoming more self-aware and stepping out of pure survival mode, the journey into Revive is all about beginning the slow, intentional process of heali...
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Season 5
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Episode 58
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39:53
Survive- The First Stage of the Five Ives
In this episode, Lauren and Jessica reintroduce the Five Ives—Survive, Revive, Strive, Thrive, and Hive—and take a closer look at the first step: Survive. Many people are unknowingly stuck in a state of survival, shaped by trauma, chronic stres...
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Season 5
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Episode 57
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33:55
What are the Five Ives?
Lauren and Jessica, education professionals and creators of the Five Ives program, walk us through their journey to starting the Five Ives. Witnessing students' disruptive behaviors as trauma responses, they realized their lack of training. Yea...
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Season 5
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Episode 56
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31:47
Oxytocin: Your Brain’s Natural Balancer
In this episode of the Returning to Us Podcast, Lauren announces the show’s move to the Five IVES website and wraps up the nervous system series with a look at hormones. Cortisol and Adrenaline—our “stress squad”—can throw us off balan...
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Season 4
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Episode 55
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17:47
Understanding Heart Rate Vulnerability: Tools for a More Regulated Nervous System
In this episode, Lauren dives into the importance of Heart Rate Variability (HRV) and how it reflects the state of your nervous system. She shares seven practical ways to support and improve HRV—like cold water exposure, humming, singing, rhyth...
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Season 4
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Episode 54
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31:08
From Stuck to Safe: A Deeper Dive to Rewiring Your Nervous System After Freeze & Fawn
If you’ve ever felt frozen in stress or stuck in people-pleasing mode, you’re not alone. But knowing why you freeze or fawn is just the first step—the real transformation comes from learning how to shift into safety and resilience....
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Season 4
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Episode 53
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31:29
Why Freeze State Happens in Two Different Ways (and Why it Matters)
Ever felt completely stuck in the face of stress—unable to act, speak, or even think clearly? Or do you find yourself saying “yes” just to avoid conflict, even when you don’t want to? These are nervous system responses—freeze and fawn—and they’...
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Season 4
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Episode 52
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23:37
Can Play REALLY Help You to Regulate?
In this episode, Lauren explores the concept of play as a powerful tool for nervous system regulation. While we often associate play with childhood, she reminds us it's just as vital for adults. Whether you're playing with your kids, g...
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Season 4
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Episode 51
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24:24
Daily Habits for a Healthy Nervous System
In today’s episode, Lauren continues her discussion on the nervous system, highlighting simple, effective rituals to support regulation throughout the day. By focusing on small, manageable practices instead of drastic changes, she makes consist...
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Season 4
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Episode 50
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23:37
Nature's Role in Nervous System Regulation
In this episode, Lauren explores the powerful connection between nature and nervous system regulation. Spending time outdoors can lower cortisol levels, activate the vagus nerve, improve heart rate variability, and heighten sensory awaren...
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Season 4
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Episode 49
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21:38